Monday, November 5, 2007

Ode to Being Old

In honor of Kara's 29th Birthday.

I've always heard other (older) people talk about the time(s) when they really started noticing they were aging. I have never been able to relate as I have been ageless. Until now. Well, really it's been inching up in the last few years. Around age 26 I noticed I was unable to eat everything under the sun without it showing up somewhere in my hips. I finally had to stop eating Grands biscuits for breakfast and dinner daily (yes, daily) so I wouldn't gain 200 lbs. Up until that point I had enjoyed food with no worries as I had a metabolism that could challenge an elephant. I held the record of the most amount of garlic rolls eaten at Provino's while still finishing my meal (13. Yes, 13. And I still weighed 120 lbs when I left. Amazing.). Yeah, not so much anymore. And to top off the slowing metabolism, the aches and pains of oldness are creeping in. I had major back "issues" the other night and in commiserating with Alicia over email, realized she was dealing with back "issues" as well. Who has back pain? OLD PEOPLE. We would have never spoken of our ailing joints while in college. But now, 10 years later, that's our conversation: "How's your back?" "Well, not so good. I'm thinking about taking some Metamucil, watching Golden Girls, and doing some cross-stitching. Maybe that will help."

Really. If this is 30, what in the world is 50 going to look like?

Maybe I'll start the Botox now so I can look as good as Joan Rivers or Bruce Jenner at their respective ages. Would be an honor to look ageless.


Kara said...

Wow, I feel so privileged - I've never had a blog entry written in my honor! First, happy birthday sung to me by my favorite 2-year-old and 30-year-old to begin my day, and now this!

And I must say, I envy your lightning fast metabolism... if I ever even thought about eating 13 garlic rolls I'd gain 20 pounds! And my back started hurting today ... does that mean that I'm officially OLD? Where does yours hurt? Cause mine probably hurts in the exact same place!! And let me know how the Botox goes; I have a few forehead lines I'd love to erase.

Kara said...

And by the way, how DOES Bruce Jenner look so young? And have you seen him in Keeping Up with the Kardashians? That is one crazy family...

K-RON said...

Come on, who are you fooling? Just admit that you watch Golden Girls with or without a bad back!